Salted Halvah Blondies

Sometimes I feel like I begin every post I write by talking about the weather. Oscar Wilde once said that "conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative", and I agree with that. It's what people talk about when they have nothing else to talk about. However, it's different in Colorado. The weather always seems like something to talk about because it is constantly unpredictable, always changing. On Thursday and Friday it was in the negatives; on Saturday, it reached a pleasant high of 59 degrees. I used that as my motivation to go for a nice walk along the creek, but I eventually got sidetracked and spent quite a long time at the Boulder Library looking through their collection. I don't have a library card there, and I'm not really interested in going through that process anyway, so I just picked up every book that looked interesting to me and delved into it right then and there. To be honest, I'm especially partial to the cookbooks. This probably won't come as a surprise, since the entire premise of this project is to cook every recipe out of two of them, but I'm a huge cookbook nerd. Yes, you can find a recipe on the Internet for pretty much anything, but good cookbooks are more than a collection of recipes - they're imbued with the author's distinct narrative and voice. Sure, you can flip through beautiful photographs of delicious food, and I'm not saying I don't do that, but I love reading the story behind certain recipes and the experiences that have shaped the author's approach to food. 

For some strange reason, Saturday was the first day in a long time that felt like not just spring, but summer, like a very pleasantly warm day in May or June. People were outside, the creek was thawing and babbling, and the world just felt a little bit brighter. I had wanted to make the Salted Halvah Blondies from  Dessert Person for a while, and Saturday felt like the perfect day to do so. To be honest, I'm not usually a big blondie fan. I find that they're often overpoweringly sweet without an exciting contrast in flavor to cut through all that sugar. However, this recipe caught my eye precisely because I suspected it could change my mind. 

This recipe uses three distinct forms of sesame. First, there's the inclusion of tahini, which gets combined with chopped white chocolate and butter on a double-boiler until the whole mixture is super glossy and melted. Melting chocolate over a double-boiler may be one of my favorite kitchen activities - it's so satisfying seeing the way it slowly melts into something so luxurious. Second, there's crumbled halvah which gets folded into the batter, kind of like a chocolate chip or nut would. Halvah is a sesame-based candy found in many parts of the Middle East that has this really delightful, sticky yet crumbly, melt-in-your-mouth texture. It is not cheap - I won't say the exact amount I spent on it because I don't want people getting the impression that I'm made of money (I'm not), but I will say it was in the double digits. Claire says you can use any flavor you'd like; I used a pistachio and nigella variety from the brand Hebel & Co. The final sesame element is, of course, sesame seeds, which get sprinkled on top of the blondies before baking and add a really nice visual and textural element. Yeah, it should go without saying that this might not be the dessert for you if you don't like sesame or (god forbid) happen to be allergic to it.

This is a very simple recipe; I know that pretty much everything I have made so far has been, but I really think this one wins in terms of the biggest payoff for the least amount of effort. The only maybe-tricky part for novice backers would be the double boiler, but as long as the water doesn't come to a boil it's not that difficult. Notably, this is the first recipe which I used all the recommended altitude adjustments. I think I was a bit paranoid about my coffee cake from a few days ago and just wanted to be extra cautious this time around. These adjustments included cutting the leavening agent (baking powder) in half, decreasing the sugar, and increasing the flour and liquid. I also raised the oven temperature by 20 degrees because I've read in various places that it helps to give a better structure, and along with that I baked these blondies for slightly less than the recipe instructed. Claire instructs that the blondies bake for 20-25 minutes, but after around 17 minutes the blondies showed (at least to me) the visual indicators of doneness (puffed surface, golden brown around the edges, slight jiggle), so I pulled them out. Again, I was cautious from my coffee cake experience, but I definitely think I undercooked them. They were a little on the gooey side, and even when just slightly warm it was difficult to get clean, precise squares when cutting them. That being said, blondies are supposed to be dense and fudgy, so I feel like undercooking them slightly isn't the worst thing in the world. Maybe I should've sticked to 350, who knows. I've already planned the next recipe I'm making, and I'll definitely use it as an opportunity to perform a more comprehensive test on the affects of altitude in baking so that I'll feel more confident going forward.

I want to say these blondies were delicious, but I think that would be an understatement. They were nothing short of addictive. The various forms of sesame lent a really nice, prominent nuttiness - sort of like peanut butter, but with more of grown-up edge (not that peanut butter is only for children). The addition of white chocolate helps to balance the sesame flavor and prevent it from being too overpowering, but it's still a decidedly not-too-sweet blondie. The halvah mixed in and flaky salt on top are nice touches that elevate this dessert into "special" territory, but I definitely think you can make these without them if you want to keep things more affordable. I think instead of the halvah, these would be really nice with some chopped nuts mixed in (I think pistachios would be particularly lovely) or even some white chocolate chunks if you want a bit more sweetness. I actually got the flaky salt last minute - I held off initially because I didn't think it would be worth the cost, but then I felt like the blondies would feel "naked" without it. However, I feel like the sesame seeds are enough to make them look pretty, and I'm concluding that while the flaky salt is a nice addition, it's not totally necessary. 

I'm not really a fan of the concept of a "snack" dessert - my attitude around food is that I really want to sit down and dedicate the time to enjoy it slowly, and I also think that so much of the appeal of a dessert relies on its grandeur and presentation as a special thing. That being said, I think these blondies straddle the line well between snack-y and fancy. I can definitely imagine serving these at the end of a very light, casual-chic Middle Eastern dinner party, or even as a little take-home favor (not that I am hosting such parties, but it's fun to imagine). I also think they'd be a different and unexpected addition to a holiday cookie box or platter. These blondies are also great at almost every temperature - yes, its hard to beat the comforting warmth of fresh-out-of-the-oven, but they're also wonderful cold out of the fridge (think cookie dough). 

I thought pretty long and hard about how to rate this recipe. Sure, they didn't turn out perfect, but I'm pretty confident that this was my fault and not Claire's. Otherwise, I really couldn't find very many flaws. I loved the flavor of these blondies and found it very difficult to stop eating them. Although they're relatively easy to make, they read as super impressive. Therefore, I think these blondies are more than deserving of being rewarded my very first perfect score.

Verdict: 10/10 (!)

I had a dream last night - I don't remember many specific details of it, but what I do remember is that it left me feeling a little left out and alone. I've struggled with that idea for a long time - the idea that everyone else is living the life I wan't, and I'm just a spectator. I told myself that for the rest of this school year, I was just going to focus on self-improvement and not try too hard to seek out social opportunities - if they come, that's fine, but I'm not going to exhaust myself in looking for them. The dream I had yesterday changed that a little for me. I'm going to be turning 20 this week, and it's honestly a little frightening. I can't imagine not being a teenager anymore and almost being forced to thrust myself into this adult world without the experience I feel like I need to succeed. I just have faith things will work out in the end. 

I also feel like I'm hitting a little bit of a bump with this project. I love baking, and it brings me really great joy, but my perfectionist self is getting worked up about starting this very ambitious goal in a not-so-great environment for baking and constantly wondering if any of these things are actually how they're "supposed to be" and not messed up from the altitude. Additionally, while I know deep in my heart that this project is worthwhile because I'm passionate about it and because it will teach me so many things, at times it feels like a waste of my time and money, especially when I don't really have anyone to share these things with aside from myself. On a personal note, I have a very rocky history with my eating habits. I constantly fluctuate between borderline starving myself and stuffing myself full of food just because I can. I'm scared that having more sweets around will encourage the latter, and I feel like it already has to an extent. I try to exercise portion control, but it's just difficult - whenever I'm bored or need a convenient break from studying I can just go into the kitchen and grab another blondie. It's been two days since I made these blondies, and now they're gone. I feel so incredibly guilty. It seems like every hour I'm compelled to step on the scale and check to make sure I haven't gained too much weight so I can justify eating another one. I hate that I carry this mentality, and I am trying so hard to stop it. With my "real" food, I force myself to make just enough to feed me for a single meal, no leftovers, and I feel like that really helps. But with baking, there isn't really a way to do that. I guess I just have to slowly change my mentality, and be kinder to myself in doing so.

If you went through my Spotify listening history and looked for the album I've listened to most, start to finish, within the past two years, I have the suspicion it might be Clairo's Sling. Sure, it's not the most riveting or dynamic album in the world, but I think that's precisely why I'm so drawn to it. It feels like a warm hug, a sunny day in winter - it's whimsical in the most comforting way. It fits with nearly every season - including late winter - and it's cathartic without hitting you too hard. I also happen to think it's very good baking music. It's got a nice homey, folksy '70s vibe that I think pairs so well with the aesthetic of Claire's books and recipes. It's hard to choose a favorite from the album, but "Just for Today" is one that I have recently started paying attention to as a standout.